Buzz Kill

There is nothing more depressing and frustrating than having a nice little happy bubble that you have been carrying around get obliterated in a matter of seconds. I am a really cheerful, up beat, happy go lucky kind of girl. I really am. Ask anyone. So, when I am looking forward to an event or an occasion or anything of the kind I really look forward to it. Especially when it is something that is close to being a milestone - maybe one that people do not agree with or even get - but still its my milestone. I really don't expect everyone to agree or "get" it. What I do expect is that my idea of a milestone be respected.

I don't know - maybe because I am so happy go lucky and up beat for everyone else I expect the same in return. I really, truly understand that everyone is different. That there are so many different types of people in this world and that it is because of this that there are so many different ways to bring pleasure to the billions of people world wide. Seriously, if the same thing brought everyone pleasure this world would be an incredibly dull place. At least that is the way I look at it.

Why then is it so easy for one thoughtless word or phrase or action. Or a series such to ruin in minutes something that I can say I was looking forward to for more than weeks, more than months even. Buzz kills suck. Especially when they come from people you love and respect and expect more from - especially when you feel you give so much to them that you expect a smidgen of understanding. Just a speck. Buzz kill moments are those that if you could go back just thirty seconds - such a tiny amount of time - you know that you could fix it all. It could be as simple as the person never saying what it was that killed the moment or, when you call it to their attention, it could be more than an apology that makes them feel better. They could actually say something in a way that lets you know for sure that they are sorry and that they meant it. Apologies - really, people - we have got to work on them. "I am sorry" just does not cut it sometimes. Its the way you say it, its your body language, its possibly even holding the person whose feelings you hurt - whether it is in a hug or just their hand. It is not how well you can change the subject afterwards to something bigger and better and completely different. Buying time afterwards does not make the original hurt go away. Neither does, "I said I was sorry. What more do you want?"

I know that I while some of you are curious that I do not have to go into great detail about my buzz kill. I know for sure that even without giving any details at all that most of you have been where I am sitting at this particular moment and that most of you have also put someone you cared about where I am sitting at the very same moment. And I know you do it without meaning to and that you are sorry. But guess what? The job is done. The buzz is killed.

What to do now? The milestone occasion is coming now whether you are psyched for it still or not. How do you pull yourself out of the funk you now find yourself in? I have no idea but I do not know I have an hour and a half to figure it out. My hope is that venting in this blog in the complete and total hypothetical will be cleansing. Maybe once I hit save and publish this I will feel much better. Not completely - but somewhat. Enough to smile pretty and be my usual upbeat self. And maybe the person/people who made me feel this way will realize it all on their own without me having to say one more word - which they do not want to hear anyway (because seriously wouldn't the world be a great place if problems got fixed on their own?).

Maybe. But I doubt it. I sincerely doubt the weather report is calling for flurries in hell today.