Sunday, July 8, 2007

Pity Party... Table for one, please.

Well, I am back from Key West. The hubby and I got in last night. We had a great time and I promise to blog about all of those chipper, fun, and relaxing moments soon. But I wanted to take just a few moments to feel sorry for myself. Being pregnant - and chubbily pregnant - in Key West while surrounded by all of those beautifully skinny, bikini clad women is damn hard on a woman. Damn hard. One of them was my sister - who recently shed 9lbs off of her already slender frame. I am not hating on her - she looks fantastic. I am really proud of how hard she works to keep in shape. Its just me - I felt like a blob. The heat and walking swelled my ankles to a size I did not know was possible. And while I felt great to be floating around a pool - *sigh* - I still felt like my own personal killer whale floatation device. You know - the ones with handles that kids ride on? Yep. That was me. And had I been surrounded by other women whose description fell in the same category I think I might have been okay (I doubt it but I can still think it, right?). But no, I am talking tanned, bikini clad, body shot taking, belly ring wearing, highlighted, polished, skinny ankled, chicken playing tourists. They came from Ohio, Tampa, North Carolina, Philadelphia - everywhere! And without knowing it, just by being there and just by being themselves (well, as themselves as they were on vacation in Key West - did I mention the body shots?) they made me feel like a floating piece of crap.

Oh, I know. I am going to get a lot of, "honey - you are pregnant. You are supposed to grow. Your body is working hard making a baby." I know, I know. And I know. I said this was a pity party - table for ONE. I do not expect anyone else to understand and I know its everyone else's job to make me feel better about myself. And I appreciate it. I will get over this in a few minutes and the next blog will even include pics of me in all my pregnant and swollen glory - and I will display those proudly because YES it is hard work making a baby. LOL. Okay, the making part was fun - its cooking/carrying the baby that is hellish on a woman's body. I am fat, I am stretched, I am swollen, and I am awkward in my own body. And I seriously would have had to have had a self esteem of steel to not feel a little deflated surrounded by all of those sun kissed, skinny assed women.

But I also know that this is a worthy endeavor. I am reminded by this every half hour or so whenever my unborn daughter kicks or shifts or moves. Seriously, I would not trade this for anything. It is knowing that which keeps me going, keeps my attitude positive, and keeps those rose colored glasses nice and polished for whenever I look in the mirror. And that glint in my eye? That is me knowing that those skinny assed women will be where I am one day. There is a certain amount of satisfaction in that.

Pity Party - LAST CALL! Ciao.

SIDE NOTE: And while I am on the topic, let me let you in on a little secret. All pregnant women, no matter how skinny or overweight they were before pregnancy - get into these moods all on their own. They do NOT need any help from anyone to get into those moods. Meaning, while its okay to comment on the belly growing - it is not okay to comment on how much any other part of their body has grown. They already realize this. So, store that little gem away for future referance.


Alison said...

Mel, I absolutely and completely love you. And I also know that although those skinny women are "hot" - you are BEAUTIFUL. You are a woman carrying your husband's child - thus you are the most beautiful thing in the world. Also, quite honestly, I can still manage to feel like a whale without being pregnant. I feel your pity party, but I also know you wouldn't trade your life for any one of those beach, blond, bimbo's. No scoot over, I want to join the pity party too... XXOO