Friday, August 17, 2007

Boyfriend, Fiance, Husband....Daddy?

This particular blog is about my husband who I am overwhelmingly in love with and I am currently in a sappy mood about. So, if you are not in the mood to read a whole segment that gushes and expounds - you might as well stop reading now. And don't say I did not warn you!

Abel has been - awesome. The last few nights I have started really having trouble getting comfortable in bed and he is right there with me, rubbing my back, rubbing out my leg cramps - without complaint and without me asking him to. I told him yesterday that just those small things make me feel like I am not alone in this process. And even though, I really am not alone in a physical way pregnancy is so bizarre and strange and new that unless you are going through it, too, you cannot truly understand what it feels like for your body to go through these changes. My friends are great. But every pregnancy is always different - so even your friends who have been in this position before have never really been there with your thoughts and emotions and feelings and discomforts. This really can be a one person process. Its amazing to me sometime that someone who will never get pregnant or ever truly understand can really be there without thinking. When I thanked him for being there, for being that support for me, he was really surprised. He could not think of what it was that he was doing different or say that he was consciencly thinking of doing things a certain way. I guess he is just smooth like that!

And before you start rolling your eyes - no, he is not perfect. We are not the perfect couple. We have our moments just like any other couple does. We get cranky and moody and irrational. But if I were to focus on those moments all of the time I would really lose the bigger picture - which is that most of the time we are not like that.

I love us as a couple and have from the very beginning. I knew when I met him that he was it for me - which was no small feat because I was definitely a serial dater and discard-er of men. I was not the type of girl to embark on a second date if there was no spark in the first. And when I did, it never worked - the spark (the CHISPA) needs to be there. And with Abel it was from date #1. It was new and exciting. I had found him! Of course, it took him a little longer to realize it, too, but not that much longer. Everything just kind of flowed for us - in spite of the long distance relationship and living well over an hour from each other. We made it work. We fell in love. We dated. We got engaged. And we got married. Boom, boom, boom - life long events just fell into place. Perfectly - as if chiseled by the hand of God - because I certainly could not have planned things out more beautifully so it had to be a power more stronger than my own that blessed us with this life.

And now we are pregnant. Expecting our first baby. A little girl who I keep picturing will look exactly like my younger sister but will probably be just as precocious as her daddy.

And the idea of him as a dad. Wow. Surreal. Seeing how exciting he gets at her kicks and at the prospect of meeting her really is such a turn on emotionally. Sappy as it is, I am so full of love some of the time that I barely know what to do with myself. This process, this pregnancy has not only made fall in love with him all over again in a whole new way - but has also made me realize what a smart cookie I was to snatch him up.

I imagine my labor and delivery and get excited at the prospect of seeing my baby girl for the first time. The feeling is too all encompassing to describe. Its already a love that wells up from the pit of my belly and spreads through me like a light. But the image of my husband, my love, seeing his child for the first time - that is what really gets me. I get emotional and excited and really, really impatient. But most of all I know that it is a moment that will stay ingrained in my memory for a lifetime. Even amidst all of the other life long, momentous events that are sure to occur.


Christy aka TRUE GEMINI said...

aww...your story was great. Made me realize how I gotta get my life going too. Maybe we're just hopeless romantics, but hey, whats wrong with that? I'm so happy to know you're happy. I can't wait to see the baby too. Maybe I should just wait till she arrives so I can visit.